When The Stomach Talks...

When I was young, there was a commercial on TV about a stock brokerage company called E.F. Hutton. Remember that? There would be a crowd of people talking and laughing, but when the character in the commercial said "E.F. Hutton says..." everyone would stop what they were doing and lean in to pay attention.

Their slogan was "When E.F. Hutton talks, people listen."

Ah... I am thinking that the same thing might just apply to my stomach. Although the only one who might be interested in listening is ME. And the many parts of me on the inside who have something to say about my relationship with food, and about what I am putting into my body these days.

I was teaching at Kripalu a few months ago, sitting in the silent dining room with a plate full of food in front of me. I love that little room, apart from the main (and very noisy) dining room. I love how peaceful it is and how it really helps me to be in tune with myself. On this particular winter day, as I paused before eating, I distinctly "heard" my stomach say to me "I'm tired of carrying everything by myself."

This was slightly odd as I had never really "heard" any part of my body speak to me before, particularly my stomach! But I honored it, thanked it for letting me know and actually found that I ate less. I began noticing my stomach feeling overly full at many times after a meal, and then I began noticing WHILE I was eating, when it would start to hint at that fullness and I am better able to stop.

I created this SoulCollage® card (see above) to honor my stomach at that stage of my journey. Overly full, crowded with junk...etc. I "hear" my stomach often now. And I am working on the practice of LISTENING to it before and during meal and snack times too. When Anne Marie's stomach talks... her inner committee listens!

A Slow Retreat Morning

Am still on retreat here at Rolling Ridge retreat center in Andover. I did get 8 hours of sleep, which is good for me, and I am still feeling a bit lazy, sleepy, whatever. I think I need to go outside in the brisk new spring air and walk for a bit to ground myself back into my body.

I did eat a bowl of salad last night after writing here. And then I laid on the bed with the new Jodi Picoult novel, reading, while eating a 130 calorie bag of kettlecorn plus some chocolate. It was 8 pm by then I know that if I eat chocolate that late, there's a chance I will be up and not able to sleep. Bingo. I did not get to sleep until after 1:30 even though I was very sleepy and even though I did the insomnia foot rub thing.

It was just so HARD to NOT eat anything while reading that novel. This has been a habit of mine since childhood. I especially remember eating small bags of cheetos (from Gram) while reading books lying on the bed. I wonder what that is about, really. Because I can still remember how good that felt, to do that. Knowing I probably "shouldn't" be doing that. Bad for digestion, too much fat.

At least my lying-on-the-bed-while-reading snacks have gotten (usually) not as caloric. Like, I can eat that 130 calorie bag of popcorn and not freak out because I know it's got hardly any fat, and it tastes AWESOME. But I have to admit, in the light of day, that it is still compulsive eating. Because the salad tasted so good and it was so filling. I know that I really did not need to eat anything else.

I am still full this morning and it is after 11 a.m. I have not eaten anything today and I am going to track my hunger and my relationship with food today as I go about my retreating.

I have been doing some work in the Akashic Reoords this week and I think that if I open the Records before a meal and leave them open for a while afterwards, that that might help me a bit with the relationship with food.

Because I do have a relationship with food. I am overly dependent on food for stress relief and emotional release. And last night I used food to fill some empty spaces in my evening. I must think about this.

But above all, I must be KIND to myself. In addition to pracitcing Standing Still around my mealtimes, I must practice self-compassion. This is one of my Soul Vows (as taught by Janet Conner). Mothering myself with unconditional kindness, love and compassion. Mothering myself. This whole food thing is also about mothering myself. A story for another day. Or maybe later today.