I have been putting off writing here because I've been feeling off-center and out-of-whack and I've been doing some emotional eating around Mother's Day.
Not just Mother's Day, though. I've also been thrown off-track because on Thursday I fell (in our dining room, of all places) and smashed my knee really hard. Have had to spend lots of time on the couch with my knee up, alternately icing it and smearing it with arnica gel.
This has forced me to slow down TOO much, to the point of not being able to walk Suzy every day. I realize how much I really benefit from those walks, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well.
Have found myself getting down and somewhat depressed about not being able to control my body, or what has happened to my knee. Let's face it.. my world feels so much bigger and brighter when I am physically active.
I have also discovered this past weekend (Sunday and Monday actually) that I cannot eat the way I used to eat. I used to be able to eat a whole bag of cheetos over the course of 12 hours and not get sick. THIS IS NOT TRUE FOR ME ANYMORE. On Monday night I awoke at 3 a.m. with a really bad case of acid reflux that required lots of ginger tea and Tums and sitting upright for a few hours before I could sleep again.
So my sleeping schedule has also been all messed up this week.
I need to make a covenant with myself and read it daily to remind myself that I can't eat tons of junk anymore. I think it was worse this time because I've been eating fairly healthy and taking care of my digestion for a few months now under the care of my naturopathic doctor, Anne Kelty. And so my stomach had actually gotten used to working properly for a few months, and then I just assaulted it with fried food and cake and cheetos. Ugh. I am feeling sick just thinking about this!
One of my Soul Vows (online class, taught by Janet Conner, who wrote Writing Down Your Soul) is "I treat my body with reverence and respect." Perhaps I need to bring that vow to the forefront of my life for several months until it is automatic.
I feel really guilty because I ate like that for a few days for emotional reasons and that I didn't do the EFT and I didn't do any writing or Cycles (EBT) around these issues. And so it spun more and more out of control.
Another one of my Soul Vows is "I mother myself with unconditional kindness." And this is the one I have been hanging onto for dear life. Because I can't do anything else to gain back control of my eating or my emotions, unless I am offering myself kindness and compassion.
So what does this look like? I looks like this: I am not beating myself up for overeating and not taking care of myself. I am allowing myself to feel sad and angry about it though. I am just allowing myself ALL the feelings, including the feelings around Mother's Day and the feelings around my injured knee. I wish I had done this to begin with, but I didn't, and it's all okay.
It looks like this: I am writing again. I am telling myself things like, "It's okay, dear one. You are learning something from all of this. I love you no matter what. What do you need? What do you want today? How can I serve my body today?"
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